Ep.14 Tuning Out the Noise & Becoming the Change You Seek

In this episode of The Juicy Podcast, with warmth and insight, Lola and Olivia remind listeners that even in turbulent times, we can choose growth, kindness and authenticity; walking each other home one step at a time.

They begin by reflecting on their January experiences, with Olivia's recovery from an ankle injury serving as a powerful metaphor for how our bodies guide us through uncertainty. And Lola’s encounter with a bitter cab driver becomes a striking example of how negativity seeps into our daily interactions - and how we can resist internalising it.

The conversation soon broadens to explore the collective anxiety fuelled by global events. The hosts unpack how societal narratives shape our emotions, using the idea of a “global channel” that influences individual perspectives. 

Throughout the episode, Lola and Olivia stress the importance of emotional sovereignty. They ask: 

• How do we protect our inner world from external chaos? 
• How can we move beyond frustration to embody real change? 

They explore the fine line between seeking comfort and engaging with discomfort, challenging listeners to consider whether they are merely rescuing others or truly transforming themselves.

Identity, belonging, and societal expectations also take centre stage as the hosts candidly share their experiences of feeling “different” and how embracing those differences has shaped their paths., Lola and Liv leave listeners with a final reminder: 

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating the Global Channel
• 17:27 Maintaining Boundaries Amidst Overwhelm
• 22:59 Navigating Personal Limits Amid Trauma
• 28:19 Navigating Comfort and Differences
• 41:34 Embracing Revolutionary Existence
• 51:04 Exploring Life Experience Integration

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:18

Hello and welcome to the Juicy Podcast. We're back, y'all. We're back y'all. We're biggity, biggity, biggity, biggity back y'all. Hi, I'm Lola. I'm one half of the Juicy Crew.

Speaker 2: 1:33

Hello, hello, it's 2025. We are back. It is Liv, the other half of the Juicy Crew of the Juicy Crew.

Speaker 1: 1:47

Yeah, it's 2025. Here we are, welcome to 2025. We're recording this the last day of a month, a really long month, of January. January the 31st 2025. We made it once again and here we are. Here we are here, we are. Yeah, how are you doing lovely?

Speaker 2: 2:10

I'm doing good. I feel really happy that it's the 31st of January Such a long month. I don't know why January feels so long. I cheated because I was away for the first two weeks. I was cruising in the Caribbean, totally in like a fantasy land and offline, and you know, just enjoying myself. So I've really only had half of January, but a lot's happened in the second half. So, yeah, I'm feeling OK. I'm feeling feeling okay. I'm just sort of low to the ground.

Speaker 2: 2:47

Some of you may know I had a bit of an accident, so I'm recovering. I uh fell off some monkey bars and severely sprained my ankle, so I'm getting. I'm in one of those modes where my body is really leading. My body is really my teacher right now. I'm having to really slow down, listen to her and, um, not make any fast movements, um. So, yeah, I've had a bit of a challenging couple of weeks of just adapting to being limited and having a start to the year that, you know, unexpected. As you know, we never expect to hurt ourselves and we never expect to be immobilized and, uh, my spirits have been good, my body's been tender and um, yeah, there's lots of exciting stuff happening in my world, so I'm happy we're recording today and I'm looking forward to dropping in more deeply yeah, it does feel like a really long time ago that you came back from the cruise.

Speaker 1: 3:56

It does feel like it was like this month. Yeah, yeah, generally it's okay well, yeah, weeks ago now.

Speaker 2: 4:01

Yeah, yeah, because it was like this month. Yeah, yeah, january is gone. Well, yeah, weeks ago now yeah, yeah, because it was like in the middle of the month well, yeah, it was like the 13th, but I actually think that that was what was we're recording on a Friday, that I did my ankle two weeks ago and that I came back three weeks ago, so January was like five weeks long, or 11, it feels like wow well, I'm born in January.

Speaker 1: 4:27

January is my birth month, and I don't like it either, so but it is what it is. I love being a Capricorn. Yeah, we've made it. We've made it. We have February to go, and then spring just roll on. Equinox is what I say yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 4:44

I'm an equinox baby, so bring it on. Yeah, and how are you doing, zalim?

Speaker 1: 4:53

how am I doing? Uh, isn't that the question? Isn't that the question? And actually for all our listeners as well? How are you doing?

Speaker 1: 5:02

Because, it's a lot.

Speaker 1: 5:05

It's a lot right now, isn't it? It's all a fucking lot I'm doing. Okay. Actually, I don't know when we last did a pod, but it feels like a really long time ago. I know that much.

Speaker 1: 5:22

Yeah, as I say that, that I'm getting memories of it must have. I feel like it was November, because I remember some of the things we spoke about, um. So, yeah, I had a really lovely end to the year. I want to do that at a great end to the year really enjoyed um finishing up last year and um had a lovely break and then back into really a bit of a running start. So I've been really busy this month, got really busy january and february and um, yeah, I've just been immersed in work and then life as well, and that's it. Then that's it. There's no space for anything else, um, but yeah, I've been doing some really really juicy work, really enjoying my work, and so I've been really enjoying the immersion and it's been a really useful distraction actually from the gloominess of um, the tail end of the uk winter and also a shit show that is the world right now, you know.

Speaker 1: 6:24

So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know where I am. I feel okay, I feel happy, I feel lucky and I feel blessed on a personal level and I feel deeply, deeply concerned about so many things. There's so much going on everywhere for so many of us, and some of us can feel it. I can feel it too. I can feel that kind of interference coming in from like the global channel. We talk about channels, like in my work. We talk about different channels, like your personal channel, like your family channel, almost like a radio station, and that global channel that we're all connected to um and and more exposed to as well because of all the different forms of media that we have access to. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot right now. I'm worried about people. I'm concerned about deep down. I trust, right under all the layers, I do trust that something is playing out and on a more surface level, there's the, the complete like discomfort of of this time that we're living in. Yeah, so that's where I'm at yeah, it feels like food.

Speaker 2: 7:42

To like use the analogy of the channel, I have this sort of like image of like, like, like we're trying to hear clearly but we're getting like static and noise and it's like a horrible sound and we're all like, oh, this feels awful and what the fuck's that it's? We can't get away from it. It's just there all the fucking time. Um, I just feel like what the hell? What the hell's that like? It's horrible, it's really horrible. So I'm with you.

Speaker 1: 8:17

I'm really with you. I like that what you just said, because it's I also get a sense. So it's the global channel. And then I, when you just like that what you just said, because it's I also get a sense of it. So it's the global channel. And then I, when you just made that noise, like you know, it's like it's being channeled, it's almost like we're possessed by the global channel. Right, so it's being, it's coming through the global channel, comes at us through people. Do you know what I mean? So there's a lot of noise in this, um, this world, and I don't. You know what. For me, I'm not making it, it's not, it's not even about. It's not good, it's not bad, it's not. We're not even talking about anything on that sort of really basic level. It's just what. It's what it is right now, it's what is right. So, personally, for me, I'm here for the reality. That's what I feel clear on.

Speaker 1: 9:09

I've had a few. I've had some situations this I'm not going to go into detail, but I've had some situations this year and one quite specific, one of feeling that channel coming through, um, this. This time it was in the form of a cab driver and it was so awful. Like he was so full of hate and, um, bitterness and anger and the whole ride's like just, and yeah, I'll get it, I get why. I understand why he was like that. I didn't like it. I didn't like being around it. I didn't like being so close, in such close proximity to it. That's not a normal thing for me, but there's something about that like do you know what it's giving me like horror movie vibes? Do you know, like in a horror movie where you've got like this um, we've been watching a lot of goosebumps and like there's this entity right and then it kind of can shape, shift or be inhaled. It possesses people and then the person is now the entity, just moves from body to body Right and or thing to thing, and then that thing is possessed by this entity and then it's speaking. And that's how it feels at the moment.

Speaker 1: 10:36

For me it feels like there's a lot of, there's a lot of people speaking. There's a lot of people speaking. That's weird, I can't explain it. But yeah, there's people speaking like full of this thing and their different perspectives about it. But what it registers for me is and with that cabbie as well, I remember it was really weird because I was in there and I was like what is going on? This is a weird experience. I feel like I'm super aware of everything right now, and I was there was I also had this really clear message of like it feels like it's more than ever it's important to be the change you want to see in the world. Right, I could feel that so clearly and then, through this language of what we're talking about the channel and the entity and all this kind of stuff I kind of get that a bit more now. It's like I don't want to. I don't want to also be one of the sort of channelers of this entity. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: 11:40

yeah, yeah, I get this like sense. It's like all these people are carrying the message, like they're kind of the carriers of this thing and they're they're carrying it in a really messy way. You know they're not. There's no sort of like responsibility for the thing that they carry inside of them. They don't even know they're just like filled with, it's like a reaction isn't it and it's like there's no there's no, like you said, there's no responsibility, there's no skill.

Speaker 1: 12:10

But when it's, when we say it like that almost sounds like, um, I don't think it's their fault that there's no responsibility or no skill. You know, I really don't. It's like an awareness kind of thing. Um, yeah, it's a lot, it's a lot to to pull back from and, at the end of the day, the people that are probably navigating this right now the best, are probably only doing that because of what they've been through before this right. So they've developed the skill, the responsibility, the capacity and so and I would put myself amongst that those kind of people and so I feel a kind of responsibility to be that's what feels so true to me, like I just need to be the change I want to see in the world.

Speaker 1: 13:01

Like that cabbie didn't take me to his hatred place, his place of hatred. I felt so indoctrinated by his message and I could feel he wanted me to hate a group of people, and he was. He doesn't even know me from Adam. It was like gross and I'm not going to get into a conversation with somebody like that. I don't need to, I don't. It's not, it's not, that's not my responsibility, but what it. I just felt as well, like it's really important for me not to well, I didn't want it, it's not. It wasn't just a real conscious thing. I didn't want to. I didn't want to fully villainize him, because I could really feel how much he was regurgitating a lot of the BS from the global channel and, um, and he believes it and yeah, people are being really done a big number on these days. Oh, not these days, my god, it's all the time. But, um, yeah, it's a lot.

Speaker 1: 13:55

Man, I don't like it. I'm not. I'm very concerned, really concerned. I'm not comfortable with it and I'm not here to pretend either that it's not very real. I don't think we need. This is not a time for bypassing, um, it's actually a time to it's. Also, it's like a time to show up, and there's very many ways to do that. When I say that, I don't just mean show up. Show up for me doesn't mean shouting on social media. It's like whatever. For some, that might be their version of shout. That's fine, but there's so much more. I suppose for me, it's that I'm here to definitely feel. At the moment, it's more important than ever to stand and embody my ability to be, with complexity and nuance, despite the fact that a lot of other people can't, and that's my personal challenge.

Speaker 2: 14:51

I want to take that up to another level, um, but that feels so true for me well, my hearing that is like I think this is actually really helpful, because I know that being with complexity and nuance is something that is important to me too. I know that, um, the kind of previous way that I may have reacted to complexity and nuance is to avoid the discomfort of that, because to me it takes me to a place of just kind of not really knowing what's going to happen and a lot of things being out of my control and, uh, a lot of things happening that I don't really like and wanting to change it and wanting to fight it and wanting to combat it and wanting to be somebody you know.

Speaker 2: 15:47

You know, this is kind of like, definitely like a bit of a white savior thing. I need to do something about this horrible thing that's happening. Actually, not sitting and being like well, you said something here. I think this is really important Like, are you the change? Are you, are you being the change, or are you trying to change something? Right? You, you try to get involved in something that is nothing to do with you right now, and I think that there's a massive distinction here of learning how to be the change that you want to be and and knowing what that is like. When I hear you talk about it, I hear a lot of clarity.

Speaker 2: 16:27

Like you're, like I'm not unclear about what I'm here to do and so the um, that's powerful, right, it's powerful to know what my personal challenge is with this absolutely gosh.

Speaker 1: 16:47

Yeah, I just want that clarity as well. It comes where it comes from. It feels like it comes from my bones. So the clarity doesn't come from my mind, like if you said to me right now like you know, you sound really clear what, what are you here to, what change are you here to be, or whatever. I couldn't necessarily articulate that to you in a nice snappy little fucking sentence, because it's not about that. It's. This is more of a, it's more of a transmission, right, it's more of an embodiment we're always impacting. This is the thing. I had this experience recently, really simple experience, but it was a such a good illuminator of this.

Speaker 1: 17:27

So I send voice notes to a few people in my life, including live and um, I sent a voice note long voice note to a friend of mine the other day and then she listened to it the next day. I mean, I never have any expectation of when somebody's going to listen to that note, but she listened to it the next day. I mean, I never have any expectation of when somebody's going to listen to that note, but she listened to it the next day and then, when she sent me a voice note back, she said, um, she was just sort of not explaining or justifying, which is part of the conversation, but she said I was running around yesterday doing loads of errands and then, um, I went to listen to your note and I thought no, no, no, no, no, because if I listen to your note I'm going to be spreading myself too thin. So I thought I'd save that until I'm ready to listen to it. Perfect, now, just even her saying that, whatever was going on with me at that moment in time, I was like an exhale. It was like, oh, thank you, thank you for the reminder.

Speaker 1: 18:18

I don't have to spread myself thin, right? I have a tendency to do that like I won't even know I've done it half the time until it's done, and I know exactly what she's talking about, because it's like I have sensory issues and so it's like input. You know it can get overloaded by different inputs coming at me and if I'm already full or if I'm in a place where you know my, my sensory self is like enough already, like don't talk to me, I don't do this, I don't, you know, then I won't take in information, I won't listen to podcasts, I won't watch telly, I won't read a book. It's very much like not input time and sometimes, right, we can guilt, trip ourselves into like, oh god, I've got to reply to this. I've got to do this, even though nobody's putting that. Maybe they are, but sometimes they're not putting that pressure on us and it made me really in that moment, stop and just think, oh, thank you for that. And I did thank her. I was like thanks for saying that because I needed that reminder and like so.

Speaker 1: 19:16

But then the reverse can also be true, right, and think about how many times, oh, I sent you a message and I mean this doesn't happen in my world anymore, but I'm sure it happens in lots of other people's worlds. I will send you a message yesterday. Why didn't you listen to it, um? Why didn't you reply yesterday? I think she's got the ump with me. That's also an impact. That's also having an impact. That's also calling people to a set of behavior, right, and so we're doing it all the time in our lives. It isn't something that's switched on and off, um, and that's why it's like, more than ever now, it's about living this shit.

Speaker 1: 19:51

Yeah, because that was a woman who I felt I don't know there was something about another friend of mine.

Speaker 1: 19:58

I said to her the other day. I was like we're just walking each other home. You know, we're walking each other home and it felt like in that moment she was helping me walk home. Remember the truth of it. Like I'm not here to be stretched thin for arbitrary bullshit. Right, there's already enough coming in from the um I don't know what a collective, I don't know what you want to call it, whatever the, the world, the social norms that we kind of encourage to uphold, right, that kind of says it's polite to do this, not based on me, not based on neurodivergent lola right form of communication, but but based on something arbitrary and nonsense. So it's like, yeah, you have to do this, because otherwise it means this and xyz, which is not true, and we are not going to, we're not going to take this shit down by colluding with it. You know, you know how I feel. If you're listeners, you know I feel about this. I'm not going to go into that now.

Speaker 2: 20:58

But, um, we're not going to take it down if we keep colluding with it and little things, little things, make a huge difference over time, I think what I hear you speaking to is having sovereignty over input, input, output like and that in this world where we are, you know, bombarded but also we are, you know, dopamine hunters, looking for the next quick fix like to start to have sovereignty, and then therefore boundaries, over the way we interact with each other, the way we interact with the world. This is a huge source of actually taking real power back to you. And uh, yeah, I remember an example for me from yesterday um, I woke up and my mom actually said to me oh, there's been a pretty serious plane crash, and, and she was sort of we were having breakfast together. She was actually trying to find the news oh, there's been a pretty serious plane crash, and she was sort of we were having breakfast together. She was actually trying to find the news and put it on, which is extremely rare, like we don't, she doesn't have the news on in the house and she said she'd gone out for coffee, she'd heard about it.

Speaker 2: 22:14

This is UK time, so I think this happened the night before East Coast time, so we were kind of like a few hours later waking up, um, and so I got that piece of information and, you know, normally the first thing I would do is go and look it up. And then you would send me a message to say something similar. And obviously you're, there's a context for you, you're about to travel to the US, so, like it was small in your world. So you were, you were just talking about it and and I went to have a look. So I was like, okay, there's two invitations here about this thing that I probably wouldn't have even um seen until much later in the day if I hadn't been told directly by two people that I speak to very frequently, like you and my mum, the people I probably speak to the most.

Speaker 2: 22:59

And I went to have a look and I just knew I can't, I couldn't take in the complexity of what's happened in the context of America right now and the world and all this other stuff that's been going on in the last few weeks. I just knew my system was like no, I can't make sense of that. I can't make sense of that. I can't. I can't actually be with the emotion and the grief and the like and what the fuck's just happened. I knew that and so I was like, okay, I'm getting really clear information, I'm going to put that down.

Speaker 2: 23:32

And then it wasn't until later on, when Catherine and I were connecting who's one of my dearest friends who lives in the US. She had actually been flying that night, so when she messaged me about it it landed a bit deeper. I was like, oh my god, you know Catherine was on an airplane that's hot and you know. It started to sort of land a bit more deeply of the like the reality of what's happened. But I couldn't actually realistically process it all and I still, even now, haven't fully gone back in. I want to. I'm somebody that likes to know, I care, this is a huge thing that's happened. It's really like extremely tragic and awful, like it's heartbreaking, and we have to be able to know our limitation of can we actually take in the complexity of something that big in that moment, like to really take care of myself in the face of so many things happening, so I can actually show up to the things I'm trying to show up for in a resourced way.

Speaker 1: 24:53

How is Catherine, by the way?

Speaker 2: 24:56

She's good. Yeah, I think a little shook, but good, yeah, good, she's fine. Yeah, her flight was fine. Domestic oh no, it was from. Yeah, good, um, she's fine. Yeah, her flight was fine. Domestic, um, oh no, it was from canada. So she's fine, yeah yeah, gosh, it's.

Speaker 1: 25:09

I just this, all of this stuff makes me feel very tender. I'm a very tender place around everything at the moment, um, which which feels appropriate, to be honest with you, right, there's also that I feel like when I say these things, because I know some people react differently to different things, right? So a lot of the times if I say to people I feel quite tender, that's read as something's wrong, that needs to be fixed. That's not at all what I mean. It's just what I've said is what I mean. I feel tender about all of this stuff. Um, it's like I want to say about the nuance of what you just said, because I think it's about and each their own. There's another piece as well which is like each to their fucking own, like I am not the police, I'm not here to police people, right, and I'm really not interested in being policed by anyone either, and if I did want that, I'd ask you so, just so we're clear, you'd know, right. But, um, I have this, uh, metaphor I don't know if I've brought it here before, but it's a metaphor that I use a lot which is like the metaphor of a dysfunctional family and like within a dysfunctional family. You've got like dysfunction and a lot of families most, if not all I don't know are dysfunctional. And then within that you've got all these different players in the family playing different roles, different players in the family playing different roles and fundamentally, all of them are just trying to find their way through that as best they can. That's it right. They're all doing different ways. There's that level of looking at it, and so the same thing, I think, happens obviously in our world with this kind of dysfunction and toxicity. We're all just kind of players trying to find our way through.

Speaker 1: 27:04

Um, this. So I'm not saying that perspective always leads with me. Yeah, I'm not sitting here on my throne of righteousness, but that is a perspective that exists. And then other times there's perspectives where I'm just hella ignorant and I don't give a shit. Um, and so when I, when you're talking about that kind of looking after yourself and knowing your, what you're able to be with at that moment and taking care of yourself, I think that's that's quite different from avoiding, and I think sometimes the two get like collapsed, as if you're not facing it there and then in the moment, if you're not readily available, then you're avoiding it and I don't know, I think there's something for me in just like being honest about ourselves, what we can handle where we're at, and even the people screaming at us to to you know, constantly see it and face it and be with it, which, again, there's stages as well. Yeah, right, there's stages. We've all been there, I've been there. So if that's where you are as well, that's a valid stage for you to move through. Right, I do think we're supposed to move through it.

Speaker 1: 28:19

I don't think we're meant to stay stuck in it. I really don't, because, just because of how it does, I don't think it's effective. Not sure what it does, apart from make you actually kind of complicit as well. You know, right, it's making you a player in the same bullshit game. It's a little bit like the drama triangle. You know the three positions the rescueruer, the persecutor and the victim. A lot of people want to be the rescuer. You know they'll see that as a little bit like the rescuer is the more noble one because it goes in and it helps people and rescues people. But it's like no bitch. They're all as bad as each other. There ain't, there ain't no winners or losers while we're playing this game. Do you know what I?

Speaker 2: 28:59

mean, oh God, I know that one. Yeah, it's funny, it reminds me of this is why I've really had to actively work through this past year, because I've gone back into 12-step recovery. I've talked about it on the pod before I go to Al-Anon family groups. So this is all, um, this is a fellowship that's all about supporting loved ones through addiction and alcoholism. And, uh, you know, I have been in the program on and off for the last seven, eight years, I think.

Speaker 2: 29:44

The first few years, I think, I thought that I was somehow different or better, because some of the qualities I have are like really trying to rescue people from their addiction and rescue people from their themselves, and like I, really sneakily I wouldn't have admitted this to anybody, but there was a sort of like, well, there's a pecking order and rescue is at the top. What I've come to realize, very humbly, is like I have very similar behaviors. You know, as an addict, I have very similar behaviors. Um, you know, as an addict, I have very addictive behaviors and I exhibit all the same qualities. I just don't happen to have an allergy to alcohol, where, you know, I can't stop drinking if I start drinking. I don't have that one, but I have many others that are very similar, and so I've come to humbly realize that actually, um, uh, you know, I can be just as much of a victim and feel like, um, so hard done by, and I can't get myself out of things, and I can also be, you know, the other side of the triangle is um being, you know, like the villain, the persecutor, blaming, attacking. I could do that all day long, so I'm like it's all the same shit really, um, and, and we're really no better or or worse than anybody else. We're all just on our path.

Speaker 2: 31:13

And, you know, the theme of today has been our personal. What is our personal challenge? Um, you know, rescuing might be more, I might be better at rescuing, I might be more likely to rescue, but rescuing is horrible. Rescuing is like self-abandoning, leaving myself so quickly because I'm so uncomfortable with what I'm feeling that I need to meddle in someone else's life. Not only is it horrible for me, it's also horrible for the person that I happen to be, you know, meddling and involving myself with.

Speaker 1: 31:45

So it's very good to examine this it's disempowering, that's the word that's coming up. Yes, it's empowering, fundamentally right for everyone for everyone it's also giving a bit of the old, noble wanker vibe oh yeah, yeah, you know absolutely yeah, because, like it's that kind of being a nice person, being like look at me helping, or being seen to help, not necessarily helping. Sometimes you're not helping right, sometimes what might need to happen to help might not feel that good.

Speaker 2: 32:18

Yeah, actually right might not be the way yeah, exact, enabling.

Speaker 1: 32:22

You're enabling the fucking thing that's happening at the moment. And, um, oh my god, I mean rescue. I've got first born nigerian daughter, please. I can tell you a few things about rescuing, you know, um. And then I can also tell you a few things about when I'm burnt out from all that fucking rescuing and I'm like, oh, you know, I was.

Speaker 1: 32:45

Why is everyone always rely on me for everything? Do it yourself. And now I'm in villain mode or I'm just like, oh, nobody helps me, it's all down to me, poor me, you know. And I'm in victim mode. It's a tough one to move through. But you know what these times give us? I don't know. They give us like an opportunity to like sharpen our swords a bit.

Speaker 1: 33:09

Right, I don't feel like running away anywhere. I've heard sometimes people say, oh my God, I just want to run away, live on an island somewhere. I don't feel like that. I don't feel like I want to run anywhere. Island somewhere, I don't feel like that. I don't feel like I want to run anywhere.

Speaker 1: 33:24

I think that might be, for me, part of the issue. Right is not enough standing and facing, not enough being with the discomfort. You know that right to comfort, that entitlement to comfort that really generally comes at the expense of other people's discomfort. Let's face it right, life isn't supposed to be comfortable all the time like, okay, there's a, there's something about capacity for just reality, capacity for life. Right, a lot of the issue is around, I think around that we're so far away from where I think we think we are, let alone where we want to be. We're far man. I'm here to face the reality, feet on the fucking ground. Let's do this Anchored, you know, anchored centered in myself, right In my I don't know, in life, in God, in nature, in real stuff. Real stuff, not this constructed bullshit and then navigating this constructed bullshit from there. That's that's what I'm about right now, not even just right now. I don't know why I said right now, that's what I'm about.

Speaker 2: 34:39

Yeah, I think this, uh, the the phrase, this entitlement to comfort, I think that is a really good one to take, you know, to the journal or to the examination room for all of us to look at. Like you know, obviously we need a little bit of comfort in our lives to to sustain us, right, we need to feel safe, um, and I think we're all inherently deserving of that safety and comfort in just, you know, foundational level. But this entitlement to, like, emotional comfort and the reality of being a human being and the reality of you know, something you say a lot is, you know you're all about celebrating difference, right? Like we're different and as we get to know each other, we're around people that are different to us might be uncomfortable. We might learn something about ourselves. We might have a view challenged or a belief challenged or perception challenged. That might be uncomfortable. That might be something that actually might do you and the world around you a lot of good and the world around you are a lot of good.

Speaker 1: 35:47

I think, to say to, to, not what am I trying to say here? I think to say that we're not different or whatever that thing is. The other thing of like, oh the the obsession with everyone being the same. Obviously we're the same in many, many ways. There's so many similarities, right, and there is a value in being aware of that and focusing there. 100 and as well the differences is both right. But let's face it, you know, we're kind of biased towards the similarities because it's more comfortable quickly rush the comfort. Oh, there we go. I feel better now, yeah, but we're all the same. We're all the same. We're not all the fucking same. I'm not supposed to be all the fucking same and that's okay. Like we're allowed to be different. Different doesn't mean better or work, in fact, not even are we allowed. We are different in so many blooming ways, right, so many ways. So that's the hard bit learning how to be with each other in our differences, all the shit that it brings up, and I think for me that's just. I've learned so much more and grown so much more in embracing that mindset than I have in that bullshit, same same one which is fundamental. I mean, let's call it what it is right, it's one of the building blocks of supremacy culture the right to comfort, right? So and I'm purposely saying supremacy culture because I think it is supremacy culture, right, it's.

Speaker 1: 37:14

There's different types of supremacy. Um, yeah, it's supremacy and I'm fine with that, but you know, like, let's say, a lot of, there's a lot of. There's so many things at the moment, isn't there? There's racial things, there's gender things, there's, um, sexuality things. There's just so many things. It's just things everywhere and, um, you know a lot of the sort of things that are going down in the gender world. If you think about it, it's like men's right to comfort has historically been built on the discomfort of women, and what we're experiencing at the moment is women not being prepared to be uncomfortable anymore and speaking up, and then what we're also seeing is a backlash against that right. Zuckerberg thinks we need more masculine energy in the workplace. Okay, I don't even understand that. So, yeah, yeah, supremacy culture and there's so many different types of supremacy, and sometimes it can be.

Speaker 1: 38:29

Obviously we've got the bigger, bigger structural type stuff, but also these patterns show up in our small things as well. They show up in our day-to-day, in our relationships, in our families, in our interactions with people at work and you know, just generally they're all. They're there. They're invisible, but they're fucking there, right, and some people can feel them more than others and they're often gaslit by the people that can't feel them into. You know being told that they're not there. You know they are there, they are there. It's not up for discussion just because you're too fucking numb and armoured to feel stuff. Some of us are right feeling shit. You can't feel Shit. You ain't got the hardware to feel bitch yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:12

It makes me think about, like you know, there's obviously like lots have changed in the last few weeks. There's all these like new decisions and these kind of very binary things happening, like it's this or it's that. You know, very much like that we're going back to that world, um, and it makes me think about, like you know, if I take it down to the personal level, for me, what the way that I've been able to um, evolve and mature as a woman is to ask the right questions at the right time, at the right moment, and have that question be a kind of question that's going to potentially dismantle a structure inside of me that maybe have been keeping me stuck or like where I was. And I feel like by all of these binary decisions, this black and white thinking, you remove all ability to ask a question that might evolve us as humanity. We might actually get somewhere different because we actually could sit with questions and we can actually allow. You know we've talked about this before.

Speaker 2: 40:20

This is something that's very much influenced by our brother Bob, our friend and coach of ours.

Speaker 2: 40:27

You know, our life is the answer to the questions we're willing to ask ourselves and it it feels like that's all being shut down. We're shutting down the discomfort and and we're not asking the harder questions that would have us actually grow and evolve and then? So where does that leave us? Well, what we're saying here is we're coming all the way back to the personal, and just because the world around you is shutting that down doesn't mean that you personally you know, you're describing the interaction with the cabbie the cabbie right, like he's over there in his land and he, you know, invitation is to come join me on this boat and, you know, hate these people and you're like no, thank you. I'm gonna sit over here and sort of digest this interaction and I'm probably going to be left with more questions and I'm going to use those questions to evolve right and I'm going to feel uncomfortable and I'm going to feel like it's not wrapped up in a nice little tight little bow yeah right, exactly.

Speaker 1: 41:28

Oh man, liv, I just there's definitely a calling in this. These times I feel I don't know what the calling is, 100% or anything like that, and I don't actually know I need to. Yeah, I don't. I feel like my life is a revolutionary act. I feel like I've been born into a set of circumstances that make like so.

Speaker 1: 42:00

If you just take opinion and if you take opinion and judgment out of it, right, and you just kind of look at I don't know things, features of things, right. So it's like I'm a I'm a black person, born in Britain, I'm a British Nigerian person. So I don't fit in Nigeria, neither, right, I'm neurodivergent, so in a neurotypical world, I mean from a bridge, a very bridging generation, and I'm also pretty ahead of my time. So I don't really fit in my you know, some of the peers a bit older than me there's all these kind of things, right. So it's not about whether that's right or wrong, it's just what it is. These are the features. So if I look at that and be like, let's say, this is not an accident, right, I'm clearly not born to fit in, I'm clearly not born to fit into the dominant um way of being, right, right, that's my thing, one of my things. So then I'm not going to waste my time trying to. I'm going to be like, okay, what am I here for? Why have I been given these? To quote Liam Neeson from Taken specific set of skills, you know, but it is a very specific set of skills.

Speaker 1: 43:22

So, beyond the features I said, there's loads. I'm going to just sit here and list everything about myself but, um, yeah, what is it? And so my life is a revolutionary, my, my being is a revolutionary act. Just because of that, I mean, I I feel it feels very, very grand, but it's like, for me, it just feels really normal and natural and it's just my life, but in context, right, um, so I'm here for that. I'm here so, like, I feel like ask, look at your lives as well in that way and look at what's specifics about you, what are the features and what could that mean? You know you might be not trying to knock down some doors that are not for you and that's why they're not open. You shouldn't need to knock down a door. By the way, the right doors for you are open. If you're knocking down a door, please, just you're at the wrong fucking door At the wrong time perhaps, but it's not right for you right now.

Speaker 2: 44:19

Yeah, it's beautiful. I love what you said, that my life is revolutionary. It's beautiful, it just feels true.

Speaker 1: 44:30

It doesn't put anything other than true yeah, and there's many of us, our lives and revolutionary acts in in many different ways. So then you, you're revolutionary just by existing, existing as you. Well, and the example that it sets and and I love my, I love the example set as as well around and it is a it's a special place to be. It can be very painful at times, you know, I wonder what it is like to fit in. I don't actually know, right, I actually don't have a fucking clue. I wonder what that is like. I don't necessarily want to know. It looks boring, if I'm honest, you know. But, um, but it's a lot of work.

Speaker 2: 45:15

This way's a lot of work yeah, I'm grateful we're having this conversation because, uh, it's just sort of like I've also been feeling quite tender and it's sort of having me feel, um, but I'm back, living in my family system again, like I've talked about that over the last year as I've been digesting it on the pod and I'm one like in my um, my core family, from my mom and dad I'm one of four and then there's three brothers and so I've got the experience of being the minority gender in that pack and so that's a constant source of inquiry and it's given me a very specific set of gifts and how I navigate the world because of that experience.

Speaker 2: 46:11

And now I'm back and I'm spending we're all spending more time together and I'm spending we're all spending more time together and I'm going through this career transition and I've taken this sabbatical and you know I've lived this sort of very, very unconventional life and as I've been navigating the dismantling of the life that I had in France and with my previous business, you know I'm like there's a lot that I'm I've lost or I'm letting go of, and so I'm sort of naked standing here. You know, the skins like dropping the old skins, dropping away.

Speaker 1: 46:43

And.

Speaker 2: 46:43

I'm looking around me and I'm like, oh you know, my brothers have actually, very conventionally, have followed a somewhat of a path that they're really doing the thing that we're supposed to do, plus their men, plus their white men, plus their, you know, able-bodied this is all these things that they're doing that like actually quite conventional, even though you know they're quite quirky characters behind the scenes and like, maybe in a different world they may have chosen a different path. I don't know, that's like their, them to theirs to reveal. But I found myself recently in a comparison being like, oh God, my story when I'm in a disempowered place is I'm the family fuck up, I'm the one that definitely doesn't fit in. I'm the one that sticks out. I'm the cycle disruptor. I'm the canary in the coal mine. I'm the truth teller. I'm just like fucking hell. Why is it me? But that's who I amor. I'm the canary in the coal mine. I'm the truth teller, I'm the just. I'm just like fucking hell. Why is it me? But that's who I am and I'm never going to be any different. And you know, my whole path is similar to you. It's like just slowly, over time, getting just in right relationship with the features that make up who I am.

Speaker 2: 47:49

Um, and it's really important to me at this moment of transition and and this is for anyone out there that's in a transition this is where we can lose ourselves and start going back to the. You know, banging on those doors that aren't open and we're never open for people like us. We're desperate to get in. You know, maybe we get let in and then we're sat there like, uh, what the fuck? This is awful. It would be like I don't know, if you put me in, like a corporate boardroom maybe, and like I don't know, and I was just sat there like, uh, and I start, you know, speaking my mind or I said something, and it's so obvious that what are you doing? It's the. I just think of that sheep that, like the sheep, we love the sheep.

Speaker 1: 48:38

It's like the video on the reel where the sheep just keeps diving into the ditch and his friends are pulling it out and it just keeps going back it's like proper, waged into this like ditch, poor little thing, and then it's like all this effort to like help it get free and it gets out, and it starts like prancing around and then just jumps straight back in and stuck again. We're always so mindful because we really relate to that sheep. That sheep definitely is neuro divergent and sometimes we use all this energy, like we know we can also go down into the depths. We use all this energy, don't we, to kind of like go in there and mine and get the gold and then emerge victorious with the new gifts and the treasure. But in that moment it's that moment of emerging feeling like oh, my god, wow, it all makes sense. We can totally lose ourselves and just get over excited and jump back in the fucking ditch. So we're always just like careful, careful.

Speaker 2: 49:36

Mind the sheep, don't be the sheep yeah, my ability to like cultivate like goodness and then like over, like slowly, over a long period of time and then I just fucking throw it all away in five seconds, like my ability to do that, never surprises me. I, I'm like oh, my God, I cannot believe I just, I could just give it all away in a heartbeat.

Speaker 1: 49:57

Tear it down in seconds.

Speaker 2: 50:00

It's nuts, isn't it All of this?

Speaker 1: 50:02

wonderful work, smash it up.

Speaker 2: 50:05

Like the compulsion to do that is so strong. I know people relate to this. They're like that is me.

Speaker 1: 50:15

You're not alone, people. It's part of our wondrous charm, but one of the challenges to being us. J'adore, yeah, man. But so we was going to talk about something different, weren't we? And I still want to talk about it, but not on this one. I feel like this is now drawing to a natural end.

Speaker 1: 50:38

Um, I don't know. I realize I'm thinking why. I don't know why I'm talking about this on the podcast, but hey, whatever, I'm here doing it now. But, um, yeah, we are going to talk about, we are. I'm going to say it, I love it, I'm gonna. I'm gonna say it because, in theory, this will make us do it, but we all know that don't mean shit. Okay, it doesn't make it true at all, but I still say it. We have been dying to do an episode on digestion. We're not talking about food digestion, the digestion and integration of life experiences, because it's such a biggie, big, big, big, big, biggie. Um, and so just putting it out there that that is something we really want to do and we will do it soon, um, and letting you know. Well, I feel like this one we're good for today.

Speaker 1: 51:26

This is a nice natural end, it's lovely yeah, lovely to be back with you all and, um, we'll see you again real soon. Yeah, take care, be gentle and kind of yourself, please. These times ain't no fucking joke, take care.